My dream job was always to be a doctor, a lawyer or a teacher. Those were my realistic dreams. Then I started to dream big. These were the less realistic dreams but still achievable with hard work. I wanted one of two things and I guess deep down inside I still do. I want to be a rock star. I use rock star very loosely. I mean I could have been in a rock band, or have been in a boy band or have been a 'pop' star or a salsa singer. It didn't really matter. I wanted to sing/play music for people. Let them feel new emotions and see new things. Be beyond this world for about four minutes. The second dream job was to be a filmmaker and writer. Yes, write books, stories and poetry and make them into screenplays and then films. Or I could've have started my career with one and ended it with the other. Then I went to college. I'm going to a state school and I have options to take English classes and film classes, or music classes, but I only seriously looked at medicine and education. Not children but college. I still could slip writing in there especially if I taught English. It looks like I'm heading down the medical road. Where will I end up? Is this my dream? I don't know. I could change it all singing one song, writing one story, starring in one play. My dream job is whatever will make me most happy. When I find it I'll know.

Loud sounds from in front
Peace from Gods within me since
the time I was born!

Lately I have been pondering the inner workings of my mind. I've been going through the question list with whos, whats, wheres, when, whys and hows. I have been thinking about the state of the world, an extension of myself. I've been thinking about the universe an extension of the Earth. We are all connected and this I know. Yet I think about how that manifests.

Who am I? What am I doing and what should I be doing? Where am I from and where am I going or where should I be? When will I move on or when did this chapter officially start for me? Why am I here? How can I move forward when it seems like everything is stagnating, rotting and dying?

I saw Angels In America last night and that furthered my thinking to include questions like: who is the Goddess? Who is the God? What can I do to save myself? Where are we at the beginning, end or middle of humanity's time upon our Earth? When will the world change? Why do we have to wait? How? Why? What?

I am a man walking with the Gods upon the Earth. I don't know if this is my first time, or my last(or one in the middle). I do know that I am alive. I breathe in air created by plants that use the CO2 I exhale. I think of my place within humanity and in the big picture. How can a world so beautiful and complex and mysterious be a cosmic accident? It cannot be one. Does it matter how the Gods came to be? Not really, but since they did, what matters is how we interact with them. I am 1 part of a Latino family of 5. Latinos are the largest minority in the United States. 1 of many am I. So? Do I go with the 'flow' and stagnate or do I truly flow back to the Mother in the sea.

I am called to help others. With the love of the Gods within me I touch the lives of others. I help to heal their wounds, I give them love. I slap them back to reality. I cry with them. I let them see me. The me that has the strength of one trillion fires inside my one heart. The me that can be calm and soothing as a lake or wild and un-tame-able like the sea. The me that can be a fierce tornado leaving nothing left standing or a summer breeze cooling your flesh. I can help you remain or become stable or shake you to your core. This is why I am here. To live this life and speak, share, breathe, love, change,grow, and on. Natasha Bedingfield sings a song called Unwritten and sings, "this is where your book begins. The rest is still unwritten." Our books have begun and we are in control of where we go from here. What has occurred before this moment with me typing these words is done. It has effects on the present. It cannot be changed. We can only move forward. I must move beyond the stagnancy. If something is stale in my life I will breathe life into, let freshness flow in. You tend to hear 'my creative juices are flowing' because creativity needs to flow. We need to flow. Growing, changing, adapting, questioning, etc.

In posting this I am changing the world. I started by changing myself and looking for a change. I found it in sharing this with whomever reads this on this site. A journey begins with a single step. Remember to take that first step and follow it up with a second.